Self Reflection - An open diary

I woke up at 5:45 am this morning, not that I am an early riser, or fancy waking up this early but I was awakened by my thoughts, because I wasn't ready to sleep in any more. My fingers were itching to write and so I decided to put pen to paper and jot down my running thoughts on my next travel blog post, lest they betray me for some random notions later.

I call this piece Self-Reflection. I am trying to gain clarity by taking a step back from external distractions and in the process make informed decisions of my life. This article was very difficult for me to pen down as it brought out a lot of mixed emotions in me. I was trying to examine myself from a deep level of awareness and honesty and I might have gotten carried away by fleeting thoughts. Nonetheless I decided to put it out, as someone very close to me once said, that 'I speak my mind keeping up the genuineness rather than the aspiration. I call a spade a spade and it has always been my strength. The introspection and contemplation of my own thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences are unabashed and unfiltered'. So here it comes.

Peace resides within, waiting to be discovered

I don’t know how to capture fancy photos or how to spin luscious stories or wear jaw-dropping dresses for the part, but what I know is to be god-damned real, to make every second count, to give you a true version of myself when I travel and deliver the best experiences one can have, good or bad, in fact the truth, the legit truth. My faith in travel comes from the very place that the world has such intriguing and original experiences to offer, that I have no right to twist and turn the facts into fiction and present them to my readers for the sole purpose of viewership and follower-ship. I’d be belittling the intelligence of my readers to sheer neglect if I believed in this theory of selling stories rather than sharing stories.

I started to document my travel experiences in the form of a blog back in 2011 and then life happened, so the time spent into documenting withered away. I travelled extensively first with my boyfriend, then with the same boy who became my husband, then with our first born and I continue to travel now as a family of four after my second born came into my life too. Very recently I resumed writing again, this time taking more seriously than ever before. I just seem to find my happiness and peace in sharing my thoughts and feelings via this medium and it gives me immense joy in sharing my life’s experiences through this journal. I don’t have the expensive gadgets to capture those mind blowing shots, or drone my way through clear skies to get the best possible landscape views and I have no shame in admitting that I ain’t that daredevil like most gen Zs and many of my millennial peers in getting in front of the camera and video recoding myself for a vlog, however my passion is driven from the place and perspective that I always wanted to explore new places, juggle with the probability of life throwing enough chances at me to take the leap, cherishing those moments of contentment upon learning something new about a place, the people, the food, the environment and most certainly coming back to base to share with you what a wonderful thing life can be.

Embracing my passions and finding bliss along the way

I've been quite the target for some good-natured teasing over time. Certain folks from my extended family couldn't resist sharing their wisdom about how I should have saved instead of splurging all my hard-earned cash on what they called 'aimless' travel (just to clarify, my hard-earned money, my choice). Meanwhile, a few colleagues at work had their own opinions, suggesting I should've used my company-offered holidays for 'more meaningful pursuits' instead of exploring new horizons. One even questioned the existence of my passion, convinced that while our husbands were passionate about football, we apparently lacked that fire in our bellies, and my travels were just frolicsome diversions. "They're all the same," quipped another acquaintance, generously offering unsolicited advice and explaining that there was absolutely no difference between Germany and the Netherlands. According to them, my attempts to highlight disparities in topography, culture, or heritage in these two distinct lands were nothing more than childish endeavors. Few ‘woke friends’ mocked me on the plethora of pictures I captured of the stunning and sober landscapes, of the daily mundane and glorious magnanimity of life, of the grandeur and simplicity, of the ruggedness and of the precision, of my happy people and of #mine, only to upload them on my personal profile and showcase them as a gloating exhibition rather than even remotely trying to understand the ardor I possess and the eagerness to let me take them through my journey, through my lens because I’m so excited to share what I just witnessed. And a few others mocked me on becoming an aspiring blogger. They firmly believed that it made more sense for me to crawl back into my corporate job, pride myself on a work identity and empower myself with a steady financial standing and I say they are not wrong in their belief. However, I wish all this good faith wasn’t driven from their own innate insecurities in life, more for their satisfaction than for mine, so that we sail the same boat and don’t dare to do anything different to empower ourselves in ways in which we choose to lead our lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I do take constructive criticism and I appreciate the feedback that comes from a place of hard work, of concern, of not getting things easy, of having to pay off debts, of remorse and failure, of having being beaten down every time one tries to stand up. Trust me I’ve been through it all, and now I’ve reached a moment of truth in my life where I believe if I don’t do this for myself now, then I know I’ll have regrets in the future. For my children, for they should see that it’s okay to follow your dreams and still not have you touch the stars, but to comprehend that it’s about the journey, the effort, and the growth that comes from pursuing their passions. Encouraging them to reach for the stars and supporting them in their endeavors can inspire them to aim high and embrace their own unique paths in life.

The journey within: self-reflection as a catalyst for transformation

And then there are those, like family, and ‘friends like family’, who know I have what it takes to be who I am, who drive their compete faith in me, who can sense that zeal and enthusiasm in me, who know where I come from, and know achievement doesn’t matter, what matters to them is that I be my true self, that I make them proud in just existing, that I believe in what I do and I can accomplish anything that I touch. And even if I didn’t, they’d have my back. Because only if you try, will you know. And I couldn’t be more thankful for them.

And then there are strangers, who come like angels in my life and cast their best spells on me, who don’t know me, but believe in every fiber in me, for I must have done something to connect with them at a deeper level. Their push transforms my confidence into a character that keeps me driven and motivated whilst I do things I enjoy and care for, whilst I do things that keep me sane and healthy, whilst I do things that don’t make me question my own integrity and abilities.

Thanks for the undying support and unconditional love. I sure as hell ain’t backing down. The question is are you ready for me?